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Wednesday, October 4, 2023

A Mother’s pain and joy

Miracles do happen to those who believe and have strong faith in God.

These were the thoughts I held on to during those times when God laid a burden on my shoulder to test my faith and truthfulness to Him. My daughter Jeraine, is not just a special blessing. Jeraine for me is a miracle.

I had difficulty carrying my daughter Jeraine for nine months. “Mababa ang kapit niya,” as the OB Gyne told me. My husband Chard was so worried that it came in time when he was about to go abroad to work. A few more days then, he had to leave us. I knew then, we’ll have a hard time. I felt so alone because, literally, my husband was not at my side and my firstborn was only 9 years old then. I knew there would be tough times during my pregnancy and I was aware that I had to bear and combat this battle all alone.

Physically, I got tired. Financially, we run out of money. Emotionally, I was stressed and drained. Nine months passed and I can’t believe I survived. With the help of my family and a few good friends, we survived!

But God has his own way of testing me how long I will hold on to His hands. I was rushed to the hospital because there were blood and uncontrolled water flowing out from me on Oct. 3, 2010. I was laboring overnight and Jeraine should have come out by that time but “ilang CM pa lang,” according to the doctor. At 2 a.m. of Oct. 4, the doctor told me, “Mommy humihilab na ba? Malapit ka nang maubusan ng tubig. Pag 7 a.m. mamaya di pa siya lumabas, i-CS na kita. Kausapin mo si baby.”

I was kinda of “groggy” at that time because of so much pain in laboring but I very well heard and understood what the doctor said to me. I touched my tummy and talked to Jeraine, “Jeraine, labas ka na ha baby, kahit sobrang sakit ng labor, ok lang kay mommy.” I knew Jeraine listened. I felt a little push from my tummy. The next time the doctor checked on me, I was rushed to the delivery room and everything went well. The moment I saw her, nakalimutan ko ang hirap ng panganganak.

When she was finally out of my womb, I was expecting a crying baby. I saw the doctor carrying her saying and patting her back, “iyak....Iyak..”  Jeraine didn’t cry at all. I worried and asked them “anong nangyayari? Nobody answered. But in a short while, I heard her start to cry. I thought after this everything would be alright.

A few days after we got home from the hospital, Jeraine was detected with a congenital cyst at her throat (where air passes through) which is why she had difficulty breathing and couldn’t drink enough milk. She was hospitalized thrice, the last was at Cardinal Santos where God led us to the right people. We met Dra. Ayson. She immediately had Jeraine brought to the Philippine Children’s Medical Center (PCMC) in Quezon Avenue to conduct a series of tests. Afterward, Jeraine was confined for observation and operation.

Jeraine was operated on twice when she was not even a month old. We stayed in the hospital for almost 2 months (October to December 2010). This was the moment that all I could do was cry in silence. I cried in the dark so no one would see me. I was a mother in pain at that time. It hurts me so much to see my almost 3-week-old daughter that way and I can’t do anything but watch her and obey what the doctor asked me to. In between times, I uttered prayers.

After the second operation, everything went well and we were told that we could go home. It was December 24. With my eagerness to go home on the eve of Christmas, I went to the doctors and told them that I did not have the means to pay the bill at that moment. I made arrangements with the hospital and the doctors ( mahirap talgang makiusap at magpakumbaba na sagad ka na, ubos ka na at upos ka na). But God works in mysterious ways. Some doctors told me that they would no longer ask me to pay them and just pay the anesthesiologist. The hospital bill was discounted and the remaining balance can be settled on the date set by the hospital.

My son Jennard who was only nine years old then was waiting for us to be back home. As soon as we arrived at the house, I rushed to the nearest store and bought food to cook for Noche Buena. Hindi ko na naramdaman yung pagod sa tuwa ko na nakalabas na kami ng hospital. It was a celebration and Thanksgiving as well.

It was Jeraine’s first Christmas.

This was one of the hardest parts of my life yet one of the sweetest, too. I said this because my husband then is working abroad to support our needs and to give us a brighter and better future. He carried the pain of wanting to be there for us but he can’t. There were lots of sacrifices for both of us. But definitely, this one was a well-learned experience for us.

I know I am a stronger person now. I know too, that Jeraine is a strong child. She was a survivor, and she will always be.

We were thankful to those who prayed for Jeraine. To those who gave us help financially, physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. To those people who stood with us from day one of that journey until now. Although some were nowhere now, had left, faded, flew away, and turned their back - - - we still owe you one. But it paved the way for a few appreciative people who are now a part of Jeraine’s journey to life.

Our deep gratitude to those who are still here and remain to be there for us, especially to my Daddy and Mommy who patiently assist me in going to and from the hospital.

Today, Jeraine turns 12. 

I smile as I glance at that moments of pain and joy in my life. I know I have so much to be thankful for to the Lord. Thank you, Lord, Jesus! You always give me blessings much more than I deserve.

May you continue to bless Jeraine with your mercy and love through the intercession of Mother Mary.

Today is the Feast of Saint Francis of Assisi. May he intercede for us to the Lord.