A devotee who sees Christ

Quiapo Church, Nazareno - they are very, very, very dear to me.  All of us have stories to tell about how the Black Nazarene changed our lives, but all of these stories differ from the others. 

I fell from the ladder when I was a year old. I was rushed to the hospital and had been in a critical condition. I will not say any more what happened after, but it was indeed a miracle that I escaped death. Fast forward, my parents vowed to bring me to a church in Sto Nino, Pampanga every fiesta until I was seven years old. 

After fulfilling it, I was vowed to hear Mass at Quiapo Church every Friday with my mommy (for a lifetime). I was always excited to go to Quiapo Church to hear Mass and wear that maroon dress (same as the Nazareno) with a yellow belt. Aside from those, I was also looking forward to eating lugaw (P5.00/bowl), and my mother would also buy bananas (senorita) for me to eat while heading home.

I never failed to do it every Friday until I was in high school and college. There were times that I couldn't go because I was in school the whole day. The more I felt guilty when the time came that I had to work. Since then, I seldom hear Mass every Friday at Quiapo Church.

I need not say I am a devotee (hindi ako pumapasan, humila ng lubid o kasama sa sea of devotees na sumama sa prusisyon). But as a silent believer, I have my own ways to show my devotion to Him. My relationship with the Lord goes beyond going to church.

But He is a good Lord. He never fails me. My work in the Archdiocese of Manila is not a coincidence. It was His will. It was His plan. I get to serve Him while working. He doesn't want me to be in other places. He wants me near Him.

I am fortunate because I may not get to visit Him every Friday, but He blessed me with work in the Office of Communications of the Archdiocese of Manila where I get to serve Him every day.

The theme of Nazareno 2024, "Nais po naming makita si Hesus" suits the things I've been through. I see Christ in my pain and joy. Christ sees me. He hears and answers my prayers. And through my work, I am given the chance to let others see Christ.

My life is not perfect. I am not perfect either. There were times that I failed and felt weak, helpless, and almost lost hope. But come to think of it, the Lord has endured a lot of pain than I have. But He still managed to carry the cross even until the end to save me - that is why I am still here, alive! 

Sometimes, we have to change our perceptions and our views in life. There is no such thing as perfect happiness. All of us suffer and struggle. And our travails pull us down and stumble. We cannot remove the cross on our shoulders but we can pray to God how to carry it without losing our hope.

The Lord allows us to become weak for us to realize how much we need Him. Let our faith in Him grow deeper and as we deepen our devotion to the Nazareno, we also cultivate our values that will allow others to see Christ in the things that we do.

Three years after the surge of COVID, I got the chance to serve Him again on that very special day through my work (which sometimes I don't consider as work but a mission). 

The sea of devotees amazes me every time I cover the event. But this year, it was different. I saw the other side of the coin. Devotees come not only because they are devotees, but they are devotees who place their hopes in the hands of God, praying and begging for His mercy and grace.

While waiting for the arrival of the Nazareno in front of San Sebastian Church in Plaza del Carmen for Dungaw, I had this feeling that I find hard to explain. I was gently moved and it struck me again - there were drops of tears (I got emotional). I don't know why. As I came to my senses, I deeply realized that God is God and that these people trust and believe in Him at the risk of their lives for Him.

Thank you, Jesus for the opportunity to serve you!  #Nazareno2024 #Traslacion2024

A Mother’s pain and joy

Miracles do happen to those who believe and have strong faith in God.

These were the thoughts I held on to during those times when God laid a burden on my shoulder to test my faith and truthfulness to Him. My daughter Jeraine, is not just a special blessing. Jeraine for me is a miracle.

I had difficulty carrying my daughter Jeraine for nine months. “Mababa ang kapit niya,” as the OB Gyne told me. My husband Chard was so worried that it came in time when he was about to go abroad to work. A few more days then, he had to leave us. I knew then, we’ll have a hard time. I felt so alone because, literally, my husband was not at my side and my firstborn was only 9 years old then. I knew there would be tough times during my pregnancy and I was aware that I had to bear and combat this battle all alone.

Physically, I got tired. Financially, we run out of money. Emotionally, I was stressed and drained. Nine months passed and I can’t believe I survived. With the help of my family and a few good friends, we survived!

But God has his own way of testing me how long I will hold on to His hands. I was rushed to the hospital because there were blood and uncontrolled water flowing out from me on Oct. 3, 2010. I was laboring overnight and Jeraine should have come out by that time but “ilang CM pa lang,” according to the doctor. At 2 a.m. of Oct. 4, the doctor told me, “Mommy humihilab na ba? Malapit ka nang maubusan ng tubig. Pag 7 a.m. mamaya di pa siya lumabas, i-CS na kita. Kausapin mo si baby.”

I was kinda of “groggy” at that time because of so much pain in laboring but I very well heard and understood what the doctor said to me. I touched my tummy and talked to Jeraine, “Jeraine, labas ka na ha baby, kahit sobrang sakit ng labor, ok lang kay mommy.” I knew Jeraine listened. I felt a little push from my tummy. The next time the doctor checked on me, I was rushed to the delivery room and everything went well. The moment I saw her, nakalimutan ko ang hirap ng panganganak.

When she was finally out of my womb, I was expecting a crying baby. I saw the doctor carrying her saying and patting her back, “iyak....Iyak..”  Jeraine didn’t cry at all. I worried and asked them “anong nangyayari? Nobody answered. But in a short while, I heard her start to cry. I thought after this everything would be alright.

A few days after we got home from the hospital, Jeraine was detected with a congenital cyst at her throat (where air passes through) which is why she had difficulty breathing and couldn’t drink enough milk. She was hospitalized thrice, the last was at Cardinal Santos where God led us to the right people. We met Dra. Ayson. She immediately had Jeraine brought to the Philippine Children’s Medical Center (PCMC) in Quezon Avenue to conduct a series of tests. Afterward, Jeraine was confined for observation and operation.

Jeraine was operated on twice when she was not even a month old. We stayed in the hospital for almost 2 months (October to December 2010). This was the moment that all I could do was cry in silence. I cried in the dark so no one would see me. I was a mother in pain at that time. It hurts me so much to see my almost 3-week-old daughter that way and I can’t do anything but watch her and obey what the doctor asked me to. In between times, I uttered prayers.

After the second operation, everything went well and we were told that we could go home. It was December 24. With my eagerness to go home on the eve of Christmas, I went to the doctors and told them that I did not have the means to pay the bill at that moment. I made arrangements with the hospital and the doctors ( mahirap talgang makiusap at magpakumbaba na sagad ka na, ubos ka na at upos ka na). But God works in mysterious ways. Some doctors told me that they would no longer ask me to pay them and just pay the anesthesiologist. The hospital bill was discounted and the remaining balance can be settled on the date set by the hospital.

My son Jennard who was only nine years old then was waiting for us to be back home. As soon as we arrived at the house, I rushed to the nearest store and bought food to cook for Noche Buena. Hindi ko na naramdaman yung pagod sa tuwa ko na nakalabas na kami ng hospital. It was a celebration and Thanksgiving as well.

It was Jeraine’s first Christmas.

This was one of the hardest parts of my life yet one of the sweetest, too. I said this because my husband then is working abroad to support our needs and to give us a brighter and better future. He carried the pain of wanting to be there for us but he can’t. There were lots of sacrifices for both of us. But definitely, this one was a well-learned experience for us.

I know I am a stronger person now. I know too, that Jeraine is a strong child. She was a survivor, and she will always be.

We were thankful to those who prayed for Jeraine. To those who gave us help financially, physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. To those people who stood with us from day one of that journey until now. Although some were nowhere now, had left, faded, flew away, and turned their back - - - we still owe you one. But it paved the way for a few appreciative people who are now a part of Jeraine’s journey to life.

Our deep gratitude to those who are still here and remain to be there for us, especially to my Daddy and Mommy who patiently assist me in going to and from the hospital.

Today, Jeraine turns 12. 

I smile as I glance at that moments of pain and joy in my life. I know I have so much to be thankful for to the Lord. Thank you, Lord, Jesus! You always give me blessings much more than I deserve.

May you continue to bless Jeraine with your mercy and love through the intercession of Mother Mary.

Today is the Feast of Saint Francis of Assisi. May he intercede for us to the Lord.

Batang Holy Trinity

Mahabang panahon man ang lumipas,
sa lugar na ito di ako makakaiwas.

Lilingunin at ba-#BalicBalic-kan,
ang paaralan at simbahang noo'y naging tahanan.

Batang #HolyTrinity, tatak #Salesiana,
na baon ang wangis at mga turo ni Hesus at pagmamahal ni Maria.

Kailanman di ka malilimutan,
dahil sa lugar na yan nagkroon ng mga kaibigan.

Nagkaroon man ng pagbabago sa itsura ng paligid, pero ang mga alaala dito,
sa puso't isip ko'y nakasilid.

Patuloy mong hubugin ang mga kabataan
sa kanilang galing, talino at husay.

Huwag kang magsawang ipakilala si Kristo
na Siyang dahilan kung bakit tayo nabubuhay! 😁❤️🙏

📸 Jennard 

COVID-19

Hindi kita nakkikita ngunit…

Ipininta mo ang kulay ng lungkot sa aking mukha,

Na dati’y katulad ng bahaghari sa langit ang saya.

Nang ikaw ay pumasok sa mundo kong dati walang lungkot,

Itinanim mo sa isip ko ang pangamba at takot.

Paunti –unti ay inukit mo sa puso ko ang galit at poot,

Ang puso ko na dati’y pag-ibig ang nasa loob.

Di nagtagal nagwagi ka sa pagguhit sa aking pagkatao
ang mawalan ng pag-asa at sa Diyos ay magtampo.

Ako ngayo’y gulung-gulo,

Nalilito kung anong nangyari sa sarili ko.

Sino ka? Ano ka? Bakit ka nanggugulo?
Sinira mo ko at pinagwatak-watak ang mga tao.

Sa gitna nitong dilim na kinakaharap ko,

Sino ang kakampi ko? Sino ang masasandalan ko?

Wala…Wala na…Sumuko na ako,

Hindi ko na alam kung saan ako tatakbo.

Sa aking paghihirap at pag-iisa,

Umagos ang ilog sa aking mga mata.

Bumuhos ang ulan at ako ay tumahan,

Humuni ang ibon at lumipd sa kalawakan.

Pagtingin ko sa kalangitan
Imahe ni Kristo ang nasilayan.

Umihip ang hangin ng malakas

At parang niyakap ako ng wagas.

Ang Diyos ay nasa paligid,

Nagmamatyag at nakikinig.

Huwag tayong tumigil sa paghingi ng awa
dahil ang pag-ibig niya sa atin ay kailan man di nawala.

May tinuturong aral ang bawat pangyayari,

May dalang pag-asa na ang lahat ay lilipas din.

Manalig tayo sa Diyos,

Mahal niya tayo ng lubos.

COVID-19

Walking with Jesus

Somebody I really look up to once told me that God will not count your achievements and defeat. Your title and your position do not matter to him.

What matters is, at the end of the day we are all servants of the Church walking and journeying with Jesus who is the very reason of our existence.

In his eyes, we are created equally and beautifully despite our brokenness.

Another day is about to end. Another chance to say, 

Lord, thank you for today. 

May you walk with me again tomorrow and all the days to come.

May we always be connected in prayer.

I know you are with me because you are alive.

May we always be reminded to be humble like Christ who is a King and yet he chose to die on the cross because he loves us dearly. ❤️ 

We live and love despite our differences

Life is a constant journey. Along the road, we meet people of different kinds from all walks of life. Most of them become part of ourselves. A few slip away.  

Along the way, too, we encounter individual indifferences. Indifferences that either separate you from them or bring you closer to them.

Amidst our differences in values, beliefs, opinions, perceptions, and faith, may we always find a way to accompany others and share with them the wonderful reasons of living and growing in love and harmony.

Duyog Ta Bai! #NCMC2018

(Attended the National Catholic Media Conference in Davao City)

Missing you on your birthday, Mommy

Ma, this was your last photo four days before you died. You were so radiant here that everyone can't help but notice your beautiful face. You were also very happy that day for you felt fulfilled after your lovely daughter, Janelle, finished college. You were so proud, that last, all of us graduated. 

When we were inside PICC, you kept on requesting me, "Jheng, selfie tayo." I never thought that those selfies would be the last photos that I will keep looking at. At least, those were happy and beautiful photos of you.

I remember that night before you died, when I arrived home from work, you told me, "sabay na tayong kumain" and you prepared the table for us so we can eat our dinner. I never thought it would be the last time. The following day, in the morning, you woke me up with your usual words, "Jheng gising na, 6:30 na" (kahit alas 6 pa lang). When I'm about to go to the office, I saw you outside, cleaning. I was in a hurry, and I said, "Ma, pasok na ko late na ko." That was the last time I saw you alive.

I had happy memories before you were gone but until now, I am not fully convinced that you no longer exist. I feel you are just a thousand miles away from us, and one day, in time, we will see each other again.

Happy birthday, Ma! 🎉🎁🎈🎂

This is the fourth year that we are celebrating your birthday without you. But I know you are celebrating the happiest and grandest wherever you are.

Ma, please do watch over us, especially Daddy. Please help send our prayers to God.

We love you and we miss you! 😍💖👩