Five years of continued hopes and dreams

June 10, 2006 was our fifth year of spending, celebrating, journeying and surviving life together. Bro, it is never easy. It is not all fun and merriment, there were times we were lonely and disappointed. It is not all times winning, sometimes we lose. It is not all times we gain, sometimes we’re about to give up.

I’ll be the biggest hypocrite and the greatest liar if I’ll say we are the ideal couple. We are a typical husband and wife having fought a lot of things about friends, family, money, decisions, events, etc., and had argued details about the way we dress ourselves, manners, bills, foods, etc. We exchanged sharp words that hurt our feelings and often times we remind each other of the good things we’ve done. But hey, those were part of this so called marriage. They were challenges; they were tests on how long you will last. As the old ones say, they are the ingredients that add spice to life. Life won’t be tasteful without those.

Every time we fight and argue, I look back to the old times. I look back when, where and how we met. I look at Jennard. Then, I’ll smile and the pain will subside. I tell myself, we managed to survive for 5 years and I believe we still have a long way to go. 5 years is a bit short. We are still in the beginning. We are still in the period of continued adjustment. But, these five years of being with Shrimp had thought me a lot of things about being a mom, a wife and a person. We do not have so much in life. We can’t give each other so much luxury in life. What we can give to each other and to Jennard is a heart that is always willing to love and a self that is ready to sacrifice.

What makes this marriage special? Together we face and share the hardship life brings us. We continue to fight the difficulties that come our way. And together we hope and dream for our future.

At Twenty Nine

Time flies really fast. I just turned 29 last March 27. I can’t believe it! I’m 29! ( I don’t feel like 29 --- and I don’t look 29 --- hahhaha!!!! --- I bet Nica will disagree…but this is MY BLOG, okei! I feel like I am still in my youth…I’m young at heart! Hoooray!!!!!!

Seriously, I again entered a new chapter of my life, a new start, a new beginning of another journey. I consider each year that has been added to my life a blessing from God. It is a miracle that despite of all the perils around and the cost of living today, still I am alive and continue fighting and surviving against life’s difficulties and hardships.

At 29, I would like to say that there are so many things that happened in my life and those made my life colorful and meaningful. I have done a few good things in my life as well as to the lives of other people. I know I had traced a smile on other people’s face and had brought joy in their hearts.

But also, I had undergone so much pain and lots of sufferings. I’ve been through a stressful life and I’ve seen myself in various dilemmas. There were times that I had nowhere to go and nowhere to run. And all I have to do is cry and hold on to my faith. Life is really hard. I know the biggest and hardest problems have yet to come…but I am always praying to the Lord that it would never come. I ask Him not to give me burden I cannot carry.

At 29, I knew and felt that life today is not easy and fine like before. One thing I learned in life is to always keep on believing that God knows what’s good for us. He gives us problems to test how deep our faith to Him. He allows us to suffer to know how strong are we? All the things that cause us pain will never end. They add spice to life.

At 29, I learned that facing problems is a matter of attitude. If we think that we can surpass them all, we will. Be optimistic in life. Suffering, hardships, trials, burden, disappointments, depression, rejection and pain are all but part of this thing called life. We should always stand up if we fall and always try hard if we fail. We cannot please everybody. There are people who will always criticize you…who will always look for what you cannot do. At times, they find fault with your deeds. (The hell…who cares about them…I have a life of my own and I know I am different from them!)

Remember there is always another side of life. There is beauty in life. If you look around you will see a lot of them. You yourself is a manifestation of life’s beauty. Just always count your blessings and believe me you’ll never stop counting for they are endless.

At 29, I would like to continue the battle of my life. And I know that life will offer me many beautiful things. I have my family and they are enough reason for me why I should be very strong and firm. They are my strength and I live for them because I love them so much!

At 29, I never stop dreaming. I never stop believing that life will always be beautiful. I never get off my grip with the hands of the LORD. I always hold on to Him. I never stop learning. I know that many good and bad things will surely cross my road, but they don’t matter to me as long as they make me a better person. A person with principle, a person that is tough and a person with a heart.

Reflection on the Gospel of Matthew

What I feel right now is actually not related to what I’ve posted here. I felt a little anger of a few things but today’s Gospel gave me somewhat a “relief” and totally took away my anger after hearing the homily of Fr. Regie Malicdem. It was very well said and it really made me realized a lot of things especially when asking for something from the Lord. The Gospel is according to Matthew 7:7-12 and here it is…

Jesus said to his disciples:

“Ask and it will be given to you;

seek and you will find;

knock and the door will be opened to you.

For everyone who asks, receives;

and the one who seeks, finds;

and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which one of you would hand his son a stone

when he asked for a loaf of bread,

or a snake when he asked for a fish?

If you then, who are wicked,

know how to give good gifts to your children,

how much more will your heavenly Father

give good thingsto those who ask him.

“Do to others whatever you would have them do to you.

This is the law and the prophets.”

The first few lines struck me the most. It is very true that the when we ask, it will be given to us; when we seek and we shall find it; and when we knock the door will be opened for us. The Lord is always listening to our prayers. His hands are always available anytime we need it. He always answers our prayers because He is just too close to us. He is just around.

Sometimes we get too tired and we always hurry things up. We give up if we feel God will not grant us our request. We just have to remember that God always answers our prayers. We just have to wait. The Lord knows everything for us. He knows what is good for us. He answers our prayers in His ways and for sure it will be best for us. He will not give us blessings we do not ask or something that will cause us harm or pain. He will not give us a burden that we cannot carry. And if God answers our prayers with a NO, it doesn’t mean He does not care. It only denotes that it is not good for us.

Sometimes, too, He gives us more than what we ask for. If we receive so many blessings in our lives, we must learn how to share it with those who need it. If the Lord showers us with good things, it will be kind if we give space for the needy to sleep in a bed of roses. What we do to others, we do it to the Lord. It is in giving and sharing that we express our love to God and in the same way it is the manifestation of His love for us.

Let us always be thankful and be grateful for everything we have no matter how big or little they are. Remember, God loves us so much!

Conversion of the heart

The past few days were too exhausting for me. I’m a busy buzz…too tired because of work in the office and at home plus those superfluous things inside my mind that I cannot help but…hay! I wanted to freak out…shout as in…ahhhhhhhhhh…and the biggest headache of all is WEW! GMA, corruption, struggle for power and economic crisis. Although it’s not something new to us, still it is something to think about. It does not concern only ME…but also YOU! Haaay (again!).

I thought I would have the time to meditate and have my mind rested even for some time. The office had its annual retreat for the employees, but I wasn’t able to take the opportunity to be with them in solitude. I was asked by my director to stay in the office (of course I cannot say NO!) because the need to attend to media inquiries might arise and most probably we have to give media assistance. We have to monitor what is happening around and what is about to happen (because of the present crisis we are facing right now). We also need to wait for any statement coming from the Church. And above all I need to update and upload materials for the website of the Archdiocese of Manila (and it all happened).

Some of my officemates (I mean almost!) said that the retreat was good. They really were in solitude! Did I miss the chance? I cannot answer. Maybe if I see great changes from them, then, I can say that I miss the opportunity. But if they are still the same people I use to know, then I conclude that the essence of the retreat did not sink in their lives. The Holy Spirit did not work in them nor should I say Jesus wasn’t able to enter their hearts.

When do you say that the retreat served its purpose?

A retreat for me is not just a moment of silence, meditation or solitude. It is a time spent with God alone. A retreat is a moment to talk with Him, to give praise and glory, ask for forgiveness and seek petition or help. It is a moment of prayer. It doesn’t matter how good or boring the retreat master is…what matters is that, the things taught, shared and shown during the retreat gave new hope to start living your life according to His will and brought positive changes within yourself and created harmonious relationship with other people. The retreat master is actually Jesus Christ. Whatever the retreat master is saying is what Jesus Christ is actually saying to you. Believe it!

The retreat cleanses the soul. It deepens our faith. It brings changes, making us a better person. It is a renewal. And these things make a retreat very significant (and substantial as well). The retreat does not stop after 2 or 3 days. It goes on and on as long as we apply everything we learned and we keep in mind and heart the things that contributed to the shaping of our attitude and nurturing of our faith.

The Conversion of the Heart

This is the most valuable thing that happens during and after the retreat. The retreat does not serve its purpose if there is no conversion of the heart. The change should first start from us. Let us not go back to our old ways. Let us not stop growing. Conversion of the heart happens if we learn to forgive others despite the pain they caused us. Conversion of the heart is taking away anger and pride from our hearts and let love overflow from within. Conversion of the heart is not rearing envy and jealousy. It will not do any good to you. Conversion of the heart is not blaming others because of your suffering and failures. Rather it is counting your blessings. Conversion of the heart is loving one another and always praying for each other. Conversion of the heart is always keeping Jesus in our mind, heart and life.

LOVE is what the world needs

A friend texted me this message…

“One day, a rich dad took his son on a trip. He wanted to show how poor some people can be. They spent time on the farm of a family considered to be poor. On the way home, the father asked his son “how’s the trip?” The boy replied “great dad!”

The father asked “did you see how poor some people can be?” “Yes” the boy answered.

“What did you learned?” the father asked again.

The boy answered “I saw we have 1 dog, they have 4. We have a pool, they have an endless creek. At night we have fancy lanterns while they have stars. We buy our foods while they grow theirs. And we have 4 falls for protection while they have lots of friends.”

“Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are!” the boy added.

Sometimes we don’t need to have all the luxuries in life or be enveloped with material possessions. These things won’t make us happy. Power cannot give us contentment and peace. Riches sometimes become an instrument of evil and the source of hatred. These things cannot make us a perfect or complete person because there is always something missing in us that would really make us a true person. That is becoming a person with feeling and understanding.

As the song goes “What the world needs now, is love sweet love. It’s the only things that there’s just too little of…” Indeed, what we all need is love and to be loved. There is fulfillment if there is love and peace in our hearts and if we know how to share these wonderful feelings with one another.

Let us not crave for things we don’t need and we cannot have. Let us be happy and be contented with the things we have. Let us be thankful that we have a shelter and clothing, friends around, a family that is loving and caring and be glad that God loves us so much because everyday He gives us a new beginning and fresh day to start living our lives with love in our hearts. These things I believe are more than anything else. So smile and enjoy life because the world is beautiful!

Celebrating 4 years of ups and downs

Ched and I will be celebrating our 4th year anniversary as husband and wife on the 10th of June. Time really flies fast. I never thought we will reach this far. For me it is an achievement. There are some couples who ended up crying, regretting and wishing to start their lives again after marriage. But look at where we are now? Four years is not a joke. We've been through a lot of things (good and bad) before we reach this stage.

Our marriage is not always sailing smoothly on the sea. Sometimes we traveled the rocky road and attempted to look for shortcuts. We fought over things that were often times non-sense, petty and sometimes had heated arguments. We kiss and make up and managed to remain sweet and caring to each other.

Our marriage is not just a moment of laughter and fun. There were times that we wanted to give up. But after we thought of the things we fought for, the happy moments we shared together and the things that happened and came to us, we realized that those were just challenges in life. We struggle hard, cried a lot and sacrificed so much and that we never want to give up instead hold on to each other's arm as firm as we can.

There were some who judged us that we will never make it. Others wanted to destroy us. But God has His own way and will. The most beautiful thing that keeps us going is our angel, our son, Jennard!

Of course, having great faith to God also made us stood firm and brave passing the test of time. I am hoping and praying that we will still be together until our hairs turn gray and still sitting beside each other holding hands just before the sun sets.